Ponderisms

Categories: Humor

  • I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
  • Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.  If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
  • The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
  • Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
  • In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  • Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
  • Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there?  I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
  • Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
  • Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  • But most of all, remember this: A good friend is like a good bra - hard to find, supportive, comfortable, and always close to your heart!

 

© 2010-2013 Jonas Maxwell. All rights reserved.