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Categories: Humor

Two magicians meet on the street.  One says to the other, "Who was that woman I sawed with you last night?"

What's the difference between a magician and a prostitute?  A prostitute sucks on purpose.

What's the difference between a close-up magician and an Uzi?  An Uzi only repeats 40 times.

How do you get a magician off your porch?  Pay him for the pizza!

A magician was working on the Titanic.  Things had been going over pretty well until Captain Smith and his parrot came down to watch his performance.  This magician is performing, and the parrot starts shouting out loud - telling the audience how each one of his tricks are done:

"Look, it's not the same hat!"

"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!"

"Hey, why are ALL the cards the Ace of Spades?!"

The magician wanted to strangle this bird, but he couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Of course, the ship hits an iceberg and sinks.  The magician finds himself floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with, who else, the parrot.  They stared at each other with hate in their eyes, but did not utter a word.  And this went on for one day, and then another, and another...

After a week, the parrot finally says: "Okay, I give up.  Where's the boat?"

"If you can't say something nice, let's hear it!"   — Joan Rivers

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