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The Hierarchy of Pilots

Categories: Humor

The Airline Transport Pilot leaps tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a 747, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and gives policy to God.

The Multi-Engine Pilot leaps short buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a 707, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if it is calm, and talks to God.

The Instrument Pilot leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable wind conditions, is nearly as powerful as a Lear Jet, almost as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water of an indoor pool, and talks to God if special request is approved.

The Commercial Pilot barely clears a quonset hut, loses a tug-of-war with twin-engine aircraft, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, and is occasionally addressed by God.

The Private Pilot makes high marks when trying to leap buildings, is run over by Piper Arrows, sometimes handles an airplane without inflicting self-injury, can dog-paddle, and talks to animals.

The Soloed Student Pilot runs into buildings, recognizes a Cessna 172 two out of three times, is issued a parachute, can stay afloat if properly instructed, and talks to water.

The Non-Soloed Student Pilot falls over door sills when trying to enter buildings, says "Look at the airplane," wets himself with a water pistol, and mumbles to himself.

The Certified Flight Instructor lifts buildings and walks under them, kicks planes out of the hangars, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and chews them, and freezes water with a single glance.  The C.F.I. is God.

"If you can't say something nice, let's hear it!"   — Joan Rivers

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