Q: Is the name Jonas from the Bible?

A: Yes.  Jonah, with an h, is the Greek form of the Hebrew name which is generally thought to mean "dove", and, like the dove, to represent peace.  The Book of Jonah tells the story of Jonah being swallowed by a "great fish" or whale.  When Jesus repeats the story, as described in Matthew, Luke, and John, the name referenced is the Aramaic Jonas.  (It's kinda cool to think that Jesus actually uttered my name!)

Q: Do you have the time?

A: Usually, but sometimes I just can't find the time.  Does anybody really know what time it is?  Does anybody really care?  If so, I can't imagine why.  We've all got time enough to cry.

Q: Are you nuts?!

A: I can honestly say that I've never been described by a medical professional as "nuts".

Q: Are you stupid?!

A: No, I'm not stupid either.  For whatever reason, I didn't make good grades in high school.  But I've taken several intelligence tests over the years, and the results are consistent.  I think of it this way: "Not quite Mensa, but far from densa."

Q: Do you know how fast you were driving?

A: Yes, I do.

Q: Do you know what the speed limit is?

A: Yes, I do.

Q: Do you know why I stopped you?

A: No, I have absolutely no idea since I was driving safely and legally.

Q: Do you have any spare change?

A: No, I plan on spending it all.  I also might need my spare change in case I have a flat change.

Q: When will you learn?!

A: That's a rhetorical question, right? I don't really need to answer that one, do I?

Q: You think you're funny, don't you?

A: No, I honestly learned a long time ago that it's very difficult to be funny, and I don't have the wit.  My problem seems to be that people tend to laugh when I'm most serious.

Q: Where were you on the night of [fill in the date]?

A: I was nowhere near there, wherever it was!

Q: How do you spell [fill in the blank]?

A: This is probably the most annoying question I'm regularly asked, I think because it seems to be asked mostly by executives.  How is it that people who are born and raised in America, attend American schools, read American books and magazines, watch American movies, work for American companies, and navigate their way around American cities and towns by reading American signs CANNOT spell just about any English-language word that pops into their head?!  And if they absolutely can't spell a word, how can they be willing to make such fools of themselves by asking other people who achieved lower levels of education than they did, out loud, in the presence of witnesses, how to spell a word, often a very simple and easy-to-spell word?  If I can't spell a word (which is rare), I'll quietly go to the Internet and find the correct spelling.  If I don't have access to the 'net, I'll use a real dictionary.  If that's not available, I'll use a different word.  If "vocabulary is the yardstick of intelligence", is it too much to expect that those who have such large vocabularies be able to spell the words they use?  How is it that so many Americans who have degrees, work in leadership positions, and receive praise for their achievements, can't seem to spell their own names?!  I just don't get this one!  (Can YOU find the misspelled word in this paragraph?)

You got something to say about this?  (And remember what Joan Rivers said: "If you can't say something nice, let's hear it!")

NOTE: A message sent through this form will not be sent privately to Jonas.  It will be posted on this page for the entire world to see.  Any responses will also be posted on this page, and you will not receive personal responses.  If you would like to send a private message to Jonas, send a message through the contact page.  He can ignore it much faster that way. (Just kidding!)