The Official Web Site of
Jonas Maxwell
Current Las Vegas Time:
Supporting the God-given freedom America's Founding Fathers fought and died for!
 
Humor
print this page email this page to a friend

The Man Rules

Categories: Humor

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.  Finally, the guys' side of the story.  Now here are the rules from the male side.  These are our rules!  Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.  You're a big girl.  If it's up, put it down.  We need it up, you need it down.  You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports - it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.  Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.  And, no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.  Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!  Strong hints do not work!  Obvious hints do not work!  Just say it!

1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.  That's what we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument.  In fact, all comments become Null and Void after seven days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.  Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.  Not both.  If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say WHATEVER you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.  Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.  Pumpkin is a vegetable.  We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.  We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong.  We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.  Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.  Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.  Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight (but did you know men really don't mind that?  It's like camping.)

 


"If you can't say something nice, let's hear it!"   — Joan Rivers

You got something to say about The Man Rules?

NOTE: A message sent through this form will not be sent privately to Jonas.  It will be posted on this page for the entire world to see.  Any responses will also be posted on this page, and you will not receive personal responses.  If you would like to send a private message to Jonas, send a message through the contact page.  He can ignore it much faster that way. (Just kidding!)

name
comments

NEXT: Why Johnny Can't Read

(1859)

kiva - loans that change lives
Kiva - loans that change lives
New Pages
ELP - An International Collaboration MUSIC ELP - An International Collaboration - I got out of music when I realized there are extraordinarily talented musicians in the world, and I wasn't one of them. Three of those musicians formed Emerson, Lake & Palmer in 1970. I didn't listen to them until the mid-70s. "Karn Evil 9" perform... more (Updated Nov 4, 2017)

Tina S Cover of Ludwig von Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, 3rd Movement MUSIC Tina S Cover of Ludwig von Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, 3rd Movement - If you don't know this piece, you'll think this is just another awesome, mind-blowing electric guitar solo. If you do know this piece, as Beethoven wrote it, you'll be blown away at the talent of this young girl (only 17 when this was published on Yo... more (Updated Aug 22, 2017)

Cover of the Week: Cowsills Hair MUSIC Cover of the Week: Cowsills Hair - Remember this song? I was a Cowsills fan as a boy, but I don't think I ever confessed it. Until now. There were two Cowsills songs that stand out: The Rain, The Park & Other Things and Hair, the Cowsills most successful hit. This 2007 live PBS telev... more (Updated Aug 18, 2017)

Wishing Well - Terence Trent D'Arby Cover MUSIC Wishing Well - Terence Trent D'Arby Cover - Jolan sings 'Wishing Well', a Terence Trent D'Arby cover song.... more (Updated Aug 11, 2017)

Chase Holfelder Cover of Elle King's 'Ex's and Oh's' MUSIC Chase Holfelder Cover of Elle King's 'Ex's and Oh's' - Chase Holfelder cover of Elle King's 'Ex's and Oh's'.... more (Updated Jun 30, 2017)

 

home     media     calendar     faqs     contact

© 2010-2013 Jonas Maxwell. All rights reserved.